chapter xx: Liam Carr na Mboscaí
|After he dropped from sight at the height of his success as a fashion designer in Paris, myeck's ancestor Liam Carr na Mboscaí was incorrectly presumed to have committed suicide. It was many years before his name popped up again, and once again, the reason for his apparent non-existence was his passion for women's clothing.|
|He had, in fact, been living a comfortable life
under the name Mme. Carr in Milan, teaching both
interpretive dance and martial arts in a combination dancing school/dojo he
founded in a fabulous villa situated halfway between the
garment district and the workshops of Milan's noted
The opening of the first martial arts school in Europe would have been novel enough. That the still-beautiful headmistress occasionally forgot which class she was teaching, sending students to the hospital covered with blood and bearing cryptic notes (e.g., "injured dancing the waltz, suspect broken ribs, has no sense of rhythm or self preservation") aroused much local interest.
|Forced to wear long skirts to cover his varicose veins, he found to his surprise that it only seemed to make his admirers more fascinated, not to mention curious.|
|But it was the sudden rash of robberies in
town, all at knifepoint, that caused the town's
wealthiest men to visit the school -- first for
self-defense instruction, then to woo the teacher.
Carr na Mboscaí quickly found himself the object of the affections of the most desirable bachelors in Milan. The school was a smashing success, and, combined with mysterious extra income that came seemingly from nowhere, the money was piling up. Life was good.
|But it all came to a crashing halt when Italy's most notorious deformed pervert, the celebrated two-headed voyeur Count Duetesta, purchased a telescope from his friend Galileo Galilei. Wasting no time, he immediately pointed his spyglass at Mme Carr's private apartment above the school, and discovered the shocking truth. Horrified, he stared through his telescope for days before telling anyone. When he finally did share his secret, he charged an admission fee.||
At first, Duetesta was shocked that a woman who was so beautiful in public could be so hideously abnormal in private. Then an even more shocking realization came upon him.
|Disgraced and publicly humiliated, Carr na
Mboscaí fled Milan with whatever he could carry and,
finding that his infamy had preceded him wherever he
went, finally realized that the only suitable place of
employment for a man in a dress was the priesthood.
Although never a religious man, he quickly rose through the ranks through hard work, schmoozing, and wearing such fabulously superior outfits that most Church officials simply assumed he was of a higher rank than themselves.
|Less than two years after entering the
priesthood, he was elected to the Papacy when the
standing Pope was stabbed to death by an assailant
described by witnesses as "a really gorgeous nun".
Taking the name Pope Bruce, Carr na Mboscaí's papacy was marked not by any sweeping reforms or controversies but by the numerous reports of visitors to his chambers being rushed to hospital bearing cryptic notes (e.g., "injured genuflecting, suspect broken ribs, has no sense of piety or self preservation").
Audiences with his holiness left an indelible impression.